What is Crisis?

May 17, 2013 9:20 pm / Leave a Comment / boosbucketlist

The word “crisis” congures up a plethora of definitions and sharp images that come to mind depending on one’s life experiences, or what is headlined in our 24/7/365 stream of news reporting, or your own fruitful imagination as well as recalling your nightmare from last nights dream.

There is an inherent “push back” reaction to taking that bold leap, or even baby steps, toward creating plans for crisis management. Sometimes taking that first step depends on your age, your health, your attitude, and mostly because of your own personal experiences or exposure to any kind of crisis you have recently experienced or in the past.

Imagine what ”crisis” means now to those living in Newtown, CT; or those that experienced the crisis of the Boston Marathon bombings; or those that ran from the collapsing towers in Lower Manhattan on 9/11; or those that have served our Country in war.

There are things you can do to prepare for a crisis and there are things that you cannot. Try to focus on thinking about planning for the “what if’s? ” Read More …

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Crisis Planning, Family Crisis, Getting Started, Lack of Planning, Planning, Tasks To Do

Before I Die…

May 10, 2013 7:56 pm / 1 Comment / boosbucketlist

I want to introduce you to an amazing person and her story. Her name is Candy Chang and she has started a movement that will make you pause and reflect about what you want to do before you die.

Do you ever listen and watch the wonderful TED talks? TED talks are about presenting ideas that are worth spreading. Download the TED talk app and jump right in. I get one emailed to me daily. You won’t regret it.

My dream is that one day Boos Bucket List will be the most talked about topic while going about our daily lives, because I believe that planning for your death is the best gift you can give to those left behind. It would be fantastic to one day have the most popular, circulated, emailed, and “liked” TED talk ever!

In the meantime, while you continue to read this blog and continue to share your thoughts and conversations with me about planning for death, I wish to share with you Candy Chang’s TED talk. Read More …

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Family Conversation

My Bucket Runneth Over

May 3, 2013 8:26 pm / Leave a Comment / boosbucketlist

Have you ever experienced that uneasy sensation in your physical being and the rattling going on in your mind? Those uneasy signs of being completely overwhelmed?

Do you ever go to sleep at night and worry yourself into a frenzy about all the things that are happening to you and to those around you knowing you don’t have any control over what’s going on?

Is your to-do list a mile long and your inbox overflowing?

Does your bucket constantly runneth over?

What can you do about that?

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Planning

Parkinson’s Awareness Month

April 26, 2013 3:08 pm / Leave a Comment / boosbucketlist

Did you know that April is Parkinson’s awareness month? Well, now you do.

Do you know anyone that currently has Parkinson’s disease, besides Michael J. Fox?

Do you know someone who has passed away from Parkinson’s? I do.

Parkinson’s is a disease that affects the brain. According to the National Library of Medicine, it is a “disorder of the brain that leads to shaking (tremors) and difficulty with walking, movement and coordination”. There is no cure.

Which is why this disease happens to be a perfect example for why you should plan for the inevitable.

Posted in: Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Family Conversation, Planning, Tasks To Do

Death and Taxes

April 19, 2013 8:35 pm / Leave a Comment / boosbucketlist

Tax day, April 15th, has passed and you have either successfully filed your tax returns in a timely fashion, filed for an extention kicking the can down the street until the August filing date, or you will not have bothered with your taxes at all and you will get it done when you are good and ready to do so!

With yearly tax filings comes the sometimes daunting and mountainous task of finding, sorting through, organizing, and trying to make sense of your pile of receipts, papers, and statements in order to get the task done.

This is what, in our home, we call administrivia. It includes camp forms, school forms, medical forms, and all kinds of bookkeeping and filing forms.

It’s not something we all jump up and down for, dropping all the other fun things we had planned for the day, cheering hurray while dancing around giggling…no, in fact, it is never been referred to as fun at all, but these are all necessary tasks nonetheless.

So just like the administrivia we encounter and have to deal with before the April 15 deadline, there is even more administrivia to deal with after you die. And someone else will be left to wade through it all. Read More …

Posted in: Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Getting Started, Organization, Possessions, Tasks To Do

Frequent Flyer Miles

April 12, 2013 8:50 pm / boosbucketlist

Have you saved up miles on various airlines for years just waiting for that special day when you will call them into action?

Will you use them to upgrade your back of the plane coach seat to first class, or to travel across one of the oceans to explore another continent, or perhaps to take a free airplane trip to a long awaited and fabulous dream destination?

I have saved some. Well, not thousands of miles, but enough to do something I suppose.

Each and every time I use my credit card for big and little purchases I know that I am also racking up the miles I dream of converting to a dream trip to Africa or Australia, or a world cruise with my family.

But what happens to your frequent flyer miles when you die? Read More …

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Planning, Possessions

“Old” is the age you haven’t reached yet

April 5, 2013 3:23 pm / boosbucketlist

Hmmmm. Old is the age you haven’t reached yet.

What does the word “old” mean to you? Do you think:

Oh no, my runway is getting shorter.
I’m not old.
How did that happen?
Who is that person in the mirror?
Now that I am over the hill, I am picking up speed.
Time to retire.
Better get going on my bucket list.
Old? I’m just getting started.
My body might be old, but I still think ”young”.

When you finally catch yourself in that moment when it dawns on you that you just might be getting old, are you ready or will you be ready for the end?

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Crisis Planning, Getting Started, Planning, Tasks To Do

5 Hot Tips for Writing Eulogies

March 29, 2013 8:59 pm / boosbucketlist

First, you get the shocking news that your loved one has died.

Next comes the avalanche of tasks to do related to that person’s death while in the throws of grief.

Then comes one of the hardest tasks. You are asked to eulogize your grandparent, parent, child or friend.

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Funeral, Memorial Service, Planning, Tasks To Do

Spring Cleaning

March 22, 2013 3:52 pm / boosbucketlist

March 20 marks the first day of spring.

You would not know it’s spring from the snowstorm which just dumped a ton of heavy snow in southern New Hampshire, but it’s true. Spring is officially here!

Besides enjoying longer days, budding flowers and trees, and shedding winter coats and boots for lighter attire, spring means cleaning. Read More …

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Organization, Tasks To Do

Weapons and Bullets and Guns, Oh My!

March 15, 2013 10:12 pm / boosbucketlist

There are 4 million members of the NRA.

There are 240 million guns in the United States of America alone.

It is not my intention to comment as to whether or not citizens have the right to bear arms, but it is my intention to have you think about what happens to your weapons, guns, or your gun collection, when you die. Read More …

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Lack of Planning, Passwords, Planning, Possessions

What a Tangled Web We Leave

March 8, 2013 4:59 pm / boosbucketlist

Here is a predicament that I did not have to face when my Mom died in 2006. She never had Facebook or Twitter.

And even if Mom was alive today, I doubt very much she would have Facebook or Twitter as she was not comfortable with computers, or even cell phones!

So what exactly happens to someones Facebook account, or Twitter, or any other on-line social media networking tool that is so prevalent in our society when they die?

Ponder these questions:

What happens to all of that personal data when you die?
Do you care what happens to it?
After you die, who ”owns” that data or has the authority to choose what happens to your data upon your death?
If you have access to your loved ones passwords when they die, do you choose to shut down their sites?
Do you choose to keep the sites ”alive” because you think you should hold onto all of your loved ones memories, photos, posts and exchanges?
Do you shut down all of the social media sites simply because death is the end so there is no reason to keep the sites operating?
How do you close a Facebook Account?
What happens if you don’t even know the passwords?

A digital dilemma indeed.

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Digital Footprint, Passwords, Possessions

Famous Last Words

March 1, 2013 9:39 pm / boosbucketlist

Have you ever wondered what your very last words will be?

I suppose it will all depend on how you actually do die, but it is something interesting to think about.

I have often wondered whether or not my Mom said anything at the moment just before she died. Of course, we will never know since she died sometime between our last phone conversation the night of May 3, 2006 when she went to sleep and the very next morning when Boo found her unresponsive in her bed.

I do, however, clearly remember our very last conversation…as if it were yesterday.

Posted in: Planning for the Inevitable

Carpe Diem

February 22, 2013 7:54 pm / boosbucketlist

Carpe Diem is a phrase uttered many times by both my parents for many years. It is also one repeated in our home and is inscribed in my wedding band.

Aptly, it is the inscription we chose to engrave on the gravestone that marks our family burial plot in our town’s cemetery, boldly marking the sunny spot where both of my in-laws are now buried.

These two words also mark my mother’s grave where she is buried at Mount Hope Cemetery in New York, along with 370,000 others, including Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglas.

Carpe Diem literally means “Seize the Day”.

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Burial Plot, Cemetery, Family Conversation, Planning

5 Great Reasons to Plan Your Funeral

February 15, 2013 8:34 pm / boosbucketlist

Maybe it’s time to plan my own funeral.

I must admit that this is not something that I had ever considered doing before, but it makes more sense now that I am in my middle years with aging parents and children of my own.

The fact is, I seem to be attending more funerals these days than weddings!

And quite honestly, funerals and weddings have a lot in common. They both involve family gatherings, a church/religious service, flowers, music, food, a reception and, most importantly, planning.

Before considering all the finer details of pre-planning a funeral, let’s first consider the 5 great reasons why you should plan your own funeral.

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Family Gatherings, Funeral, Plan A Funeral, Planning

Filipendulous

February 8, 2013 8:43 pm / boosbucketlist

What does filipendulous mean?

I know; I had never heard that word before in my life, until I stumbled across it in an article about planning for the end of life.

Filipendulous means ”hanging by a thread”.

Ah ha! Now that describes situations that I expect everyone has found themselves to be in at one time or another during their lifetime. It describes the twisted, knotted feeling inside your gut that illustrates what it feels like to be out of control and hanging by a thread.

So what does that have to do with planning for the inevitable?

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Crisis Planning, Family Conversation, Family Crisis, Planning

Boat Trusts

February 1, 2013 3:07 pm / boosbucketlist

Have you ever wondered what happens to all those boats floating in a harbor or docked at a marina when the owner dies?

What happens to the enormous fancy yachts that people live on as they cruise from port to port or sail across the oceans visiting foreign ports of call?

What happens when the owner dies and the spouse or heirs have either no interest in owning a boat, or, more likely, no resources with which to actually pay for the maintenance and upkeep of the sailboat, yacht, or even a jet ski?

And what happens if your heirs don’t live near any water?

Posted in: Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Lack of Planning, Planning, Possessions

Dead Ahead

January 25, 2013 6:41 pm / boosbucketlist

We all know that there are two inevitable things that are guaranteed in life: Death and Taxes.

So why is it that everyone prepares for their taxes every single year of their lives, but they do not prepare for death?

The word “death” alone is terrifying to some. Saying the word “death” or even thinking about death conjures up fear and unsettling thoughts and feelings.

Denial is a human trait that sometimes works right up to the point when you are face to face with your own inevitable death or the expected or sudden death of a loved one.

I bet if I asked you whether or not you “knew”" someone who died on this list of people, the answer would be “Yes” and you might go on to say it was sad to lose them. Check out the gallery of “notables” who died in 2012.

Did you know someone who died in 2012? I do. I lost several friends, extended family and acquaintances. Some were prepared for ”Dead Ahead”, while others were not.

Posted in: Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Lack of Planning, Planning

3 Safe Stories

January 18, 2013 8:16 pm / boosbucketlist

I have 3 safe stories to share with you.

First of all, having a safe or safes, whether they are being used to store jewelry, important documents, passports, guns, special letters, or anything else you feel needs to be locked up securely, is a great idea…except when you die and you haven’t communicated prior to your death exactly what the combinations are, nor have you alerted anyone where they might find the key or the combination to your wall safe or the location of your key to the safe deposit box at your local bank.

This can be easily avoided. You just need to make a plan and communicate it.

Don’t let the following stories happen to you…

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Crisis Planning, Family Conversation, Passwords, Planning, Possessions

Got Wine?

January 11, 2013 6:09 pm / boosbucketlist

Honestly, if you have any fabulous, expensive, special bottles of wine saved and stored in your basement in cartons or on wine storage racks in a special room with temperature controls and you have reached the age of 80, I believe that you should stop saving and start drinking your wonderful collection alone, or share with your friends and family.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying 80 is some kind of bench marker alerting you that the end is in sight. Suffice it to say that the runway is getting shorter and I am merely suggesting that you drink up and enjoy, unless you plan to leave all the good stuff behind to be consumed by those who might not appreciate the true value of your collection.

At least that’s what I will do if I am lucky enough to have a wine cellar overflowing with aged, special bottles of wine that I have purchased over a lifetime and kept painstakingly preserved while aging properly in our basement! I doubt I will wait to 80 either to start consuming it. But that’s another story.

I can assure you that I don’t plan to leave any of the good bottles behind…sorry kids!

There are people out there, however, that need to make a plan now for what will happen to their vast collection of wine when they die.

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Planning, Possessions

What about Fido?

January 4, 2013 2:44 pm / boosbucketlist

Do you have pets?

If you do, I bet you are crazy about them. I absolutely love our two dogs Lucy and Nelli.

Lucy is our 14 1/2 year old naughty yellow labrador retriever who spends most of her day thinking about food while snoring on her well loved bed in the laundry room next to the rumbling dryer. She looks longingly at me while I work in the office just a few feet away, with an occassional thumping of her tail to let me know she is still alive and happy.

Nelli is our 5 year old cairn terrier. She spends her day outside keeping all the wild critters off of her property! She has a 20+ year life span.

While I will most likely outlive Lucy, I just might not outlive Nelli-one never can know when the inevitable will happen.

I often wonder if it is true that cats have nine lives…and why not dogs or humans?

So what do you plan to do about Fido, the family pet, when you die? Have you even thought about that?

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Getting Started, Lack of Planning, Organ Donation

What if ?

December 28, 2012 3:09 pm / boosbucketlist

I chuckled when I read this.

My husband Tom sometimes says “if I get hit by a beer truck…” as he heads out the door to bike to work. He want me to know where I might search for and find an important piece of our financial puzzle!

Yes, he might be kidding……but what if ?

And more importantly, not if, but when?

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Getting Started, Lack of Planning

Life’s Lessons and Values

December 25, 2012 3:19 pm / boosbucketlist

The end of any year is always a whir of activities. The pace of each day seems to increase tenfold as we near the end of the close of another year.

There is holiday shopping; year end tax planning; year end charitable contributions; decorating cookies and trees and homes; religious ceremonies and celebrations; school concerts and plays; final exams; and family gatherings, to name a few.

At the end of each year, I reflect upon the fact that another year has flown by and that my runway of life is getting shorter and shorter. This is not a sad reflection; it is simply factual.

I ask myself:

What do I want to do?
What can I do for others?
What do I want to accomplish?
What do I want to learn?
What mark can I make in this world that is meaningful?

What do I value and what values do I want to pass on?

Posted in: Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Getting Started

Purge Your Stuff

December 21, 2012 4:24 pm / boosbucketlist

Are you a hoarder? Probably not like that TV show that shows people buried in their stuff!

But are you saving all of your stuff for that time in the future when you think you might need it or want it, or perhaps believe that it will somehow come back in style?

That’s what Nonnie thought. She was a saver, and definitely a child of the depression. Nonnie always thought that she would once again wear her bright multi-striped mexican “maxi” skirt with its matching sombrero and wear it to some fabulous event! It didn’t happen. I was the one who donated this outfit after she died.

The holidays seem like a good time to clean up and start the new year with a lighter load.

Nonnie was a pack rat. It seemed like she had a million bottles of “goop samples” that I found (and either distributed or tossed) while helping Boo clean out her stuff after she died.

Do you have piles and piles of stuff? Do you have things that you haven’t touched, or perhaps even seen, in what may be several years?

It is almost the end of 2012. The time has come to purge your stuff!

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Organization, Planning, Tasks To Do

Fun Funeral Facts

December 14, 2012 3:58 pm / boosbucketlist

Have you ever attended a funeral and found yourself wondering what it would be like to plan for and ”attend” your own funeral?

When Nonnie died, we had no idea what to do other than contact Nonnie’s Minister at Third Presbyterian Church where she had worshiped for as long as I can remember. Nonnie did not pre-plan her funeral.

So, how does one plan a funeral?

Nonnie loved music, theatrical entertainment, socializing and family. Funerals have all those elements.

Music was a must! What funeral songs do you want at your funeral?

We sang Nonnie’s favorite hymns. Then we all listened to a loud, heart thumping, goosebump creating, organists rendition of Widor’s “Toccata” from Fifth Organ Symphanoy in F, Op 42 #1″ which pulsed throughout the church as we gave our beloved Mom, wife, grandmother, and friend her final goodbye !

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Family Crisis, Family Gatherings, Funeral, Getting Started, Organization, Plan A Funeral, Tasks To Do

No Will? No Way!

December 7, 2012 10:13 pm / boosbucketlist

Picture this.

A grand resort called The Balsams Grand Resort Hotel in Dixville Notch, New Hampshire, home of the first in the Nation vote in the national elections, was owned by a gentleman by the name of Mr. Neil Tillotson. The Balsams Grand Resort Hotel is a magnificant historical grand resort situated on a 15,000 acre private estate with its own pond, golf course and ski hill with lifts. My youngest learned to ski there at age two. It is a beautiful picturesque historical gem.

Mr. Tillotson, apparently, was working with his attorney on a will. That will was left unexecuted and unsigned on the day of his death on October 17, 2001 at the ripe old age of 102. No will? no way!

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Crisis Planning, Lack of Planning, Planning

“Greedy Gimmies”

November 30, 2012 10:10 pm / boosbucketlist

I read a Berenstain Bears book to my children titled “The Berenstain Bears Get a Case of the Gimmies”. I often think about that book when I hear real life stories about what happens in families when it’s time to distribute the “goods” after a loved one dies. A case of the greedy gimmies isn’t pretty. Possessions can bring out the worst in people.

Don’t be one of those greedy people!

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Family Conversation, Family Crisis, Family Gatherings

No Vacancy

November 26, 2012 12:38 pm / boosbucketlist

Several years ago, my beloved Aunt Leticia died suddenly and was buried next to her husband in a quaint cemetery plot on Nantucket Island on a very stormy afternoon. For whatever reason, I started thinking about where I might want to be buried. This had never before been a topic of conversation at the dinner table.

Posted in: Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Burial Plot, Communication, Tasks To Do

Thanks Boo

November 22, 2012 7:46 pm / boosbucketlist

Thanksgiving is a special holiday.

Besides the great joy derived from gathering family members together for a scrumptious feast, channel surfing between football games and the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade on TV, and, in our family, many rounds of competitive ping-pong matches, it is a time to reflect upon being grateful for each other and for giving to others who may be less fortunate.

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Burial Plot, Communication, Family Conversation, Family Gatherings, Getting Started, Plan A Funeral, Tasks To Do

Digital Footprint-OMG

November 9, 2012 7:30 am / boosbucketlist

Happily, my Mom was not in any way, shape, or form interested in or engaged in anything on the internet. In fact, attempting to teach her to use a cell phone was futile. We tried. We even had the grandkids attempt to teach her. She had no interest in technology and actually frowned upon the growing scene of the young and old with cell phones glued to their ears, speaking way too loudly, and ignoring others while walking out in front of cars oblivious to the dangers. “They are in a fog” she used to tell me.

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Digital Footprint, Passwords, Planning, Tasks To Do

The Buzz-A Beehive of Activity

November 2, 2012 7:00 am / boosbucketlist

Have you ever thrown a family reunion at the very last minute with no advance planning for details including where your reunion will be located, where you will house all of your incoming family members, how you will provide transporation to and from the airport at all hours of the day and night, what kind of food and how many meals to plan on, what the appropriate attire should be, and what the other forms of entertainment for the weekend will be?

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Crisis Planning, Family Conversation, Family Gatherings, Lack of Planning, Tasks To Do

Ashes to Ashes

October 26, 2012 8:30 am / boosbucketlist

Now here’s a topic not many people want to talk about. But, of course I do. The importance of communicating whether you want to be buried or cremated is first and foremost. This is not a decision that can be reversed.

I read recently about how urns full of ashes are stacked up in the closets of funeral homes uncollected. Here are some thoughts as to why that may happen.

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Burial Plot, Cemetery, Communication

7 Tasks to Tackle ASAP

October 22, 2012 2:36 pm / boosbucketlist

Here are 7 tasks to deal with ASAP whether or not your loved one’s death was sudden or expected.

1. 911

Contacting the emergency medical team is probably the first number you will dial. Someone died. And you need help. Then it is time to say goodbye and have your loved one transported to the local hospital or funeral home. Someone has to officially declare the death.

Boo dialed 911. He received instructions for CPR. Within a matter of minutes his next-door neighbor, who is not only a close friend but fire chief, was in the house. CPR again. Now the room was filled with people and equipment. To no avail, Nonnie had died peacefully in her bed.

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Burial Plot, Communication, Cremation, Crisis Planning, Family Conversation, Family Gatherings, Funeral, Memorial Service, Passwords, Tasks To Do

Obit Lit

October 18, 2012 1:31 pm / boosbucketlist

Have you ever tried to write an obituary?

It certainly was not a writing assignment that I had in college.

There are many reasons why writing an obituary is inherently difficult:

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Family Conversation, Family Crisis, Family Gatherings, Getting Started, Lack of Planning

Let’s Be Candid

October 15, 2012 2:24 pm / boosbucketlist

Honestly. No one really enjoys talking about death do they?

And no one really enjoys bringing up a very delicate topic that can create that weird silent gap in a conversation between child and parent or visa versa, do they?

Posted in: Family, Funeral, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Crisis Planning, Getting Started, Organization, Planning, Tasks To Do

The Day Mom Died

October 10, 2012 7:37 pm / boosbucketlist

May 4, 2006.

I was driving to the North Shore Mall on Interstate 95 on a beautiful spring day. My cell phone rang. It was my brothers number. “Dad’s been trying to reach you-did he get a hold of you”?

“No, why?”

“Mom’s dead.”

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable

Let’s Get It Started

October 9, 2012 8:58 pm / admin

You know how hard it is sometimes to just “get started”?

And I mean to start anything?

Especially doing things that you have put off doing, want to put off doing, don’t want to do, or think “maybe I can do that later”?

Posted in: Family, Planning for the Inevitable / Tagged: Communication, Getting Started, Lack of Planning, Planning, Tasks To Do